Pot Roast 101 and a Recipe for Pot Roast with Tamarind

Gary likes to shred our pot roast. We served it in its sauce over latkes.

My mother was the queen of the pot roast, so making pot roast is part of my culinary heritage.  It’s a natural for holiday dinners (such as Chanukah or Rosh Hashanah) since your can cook it in advance and just reheat before serving.  In fact, it is almost required to cook in advance. There are two reasons for that. The first is that the flavors just get even better by letting it sit overnight and eating the next day.  The second is that there is absolutely no predicting when the pot roast will be done.  It could take two hours, it could take four.  I had one particularly reluctant specimen take eight hours until it reached the perfect you could cut-it-with-a-fork tenderness.

Making pot roast is really very easy, but here are some tips to help ensure success:

• Cut away any extra surface fat, but don’t pick a piece of meat that is too lean. (That eight-hour pot roast was very, very lean).  I like to use boneless chuck roast, which I find flavorful and relatively economical.
• Be sure to use a flavorful liquid and enough of it.  Think of the liquid as your flavor vehicle. In the recipe below I use tamarind and tomatoes for flavoring.  You could use wine and or broth for a more traditional pot roast flavor combination.
• Be sure to add enough seasoning.  However, if you are using a kashered piece of meat you might want to go sparingly on the salt and season the gravy/sauce to compensate after you taste the cooked meat and sauce.  I find that meat that has been kashered (salted and drained according to the Jewish dietary laws) retains some residual salting and I can’t predict how little or much that will be.
• Use a heavy enough pan or put a flame tamer or heat diffuser underneath a thinner pot to be sure you have even heat and to avoid burning.
• Leave yourself enough time.  With a pot roast, meat passes through stages from raw to appearing to be cooked but hard as rock to full submission with the desired degree to tenderness.  The long, moist-heat cooking is breaking down the proteins and connective tissue, so you can’t just give a time for cooking a pot roast.  Keep checking, add more liquid if need be and keep cooking until a cooking fork pretty much glides through the meat.  If your pot roast is recalcitrant and just won’t get to that final stage of melt-in-the-mouth softness, you have two choices. Store it in the cooking liquid overnight and cook it further the next day and see if even more cooking will help or shredding it instead of slicing it against the grain.  Serving the pot roast shredded over mashed or boiled potatoes, noodles, soft polenta or similar is actually our favorite to serve it.

Pot Roast with Tamarind and Syrian Jewish Flavors

Serves about 6

The tamarind adds a slight tart note to the sauce that really complements the rich beef flavor. 

2 Tbs. vegetable oil

1 onion, thinly sliced

4 garlic cloves, minced

3 lb. boneless chuck roast

1-28 oz. can whole tomatoes, undrained

½ tsp plus ¼ tsp. salt

½ tsp. ground black pepper

½ tsp. ground cinnamon

½ tsp. ground allspice

1 tsp. brown sugar

4 tsp. plus 2 tsp. tamarind paste or concentrate

1-2 cups of water

2 Tbs. tomato paste

Add oil to a large, heavy pot. Heat over medium high heat and add onion slices.  Sauté until just softened then add garlic and sauté until onions are golden.  Remove onion and garlic from pot and reserve.  Add meat and brown on all sides. Lower heat to medium.  Add back the onions and garlic.  Add tomatoes with their liquid.  Using a spatula break up tomatoes into fourths. Stir. Add ½ tsp. of the salt and the pepper, cinnamon, allspice and stir. Add brown sugar and 4 tsp. of tamarind paste. Add enough water to bring liquid mixture to the top of the chuck roast.  Stir well.  Add tomato paste, stir again.  Bring the meat and liquid to a simmer.  Cover and lower heat to keep at a simmer, mixing sauce and turning meat occasionally until meat is as tender as you like, approximately 2 to 4 hours.  Remove meat to a cutting board until cool enough to handle.  While the meat is cooling, raise the heat on the liquid, add the 2 remaining tsp. of tamarind paste and cook uncovered at a low boil, stirring occasionally until it has reduced down to a gravy or sauce-like thickness. Taste and add in the ¼ tsp. of salt if desired.  Slice the meat thinly against the grain or shred.  Mix the meat back into the reduced sauce and reheat and serve or (preferably) store the meat in the sauce overnight in the refrigerator and gently reheat the next day.

-----------------------------------
For a round up of Chanukah (Hanukkah) recipes and information on Blog Appetit, including recipes for potato pancakes (latkes), check out this post.
For other pot roasts on Blog Appetit - check out the zippy cranberry version or my spicy pot roast with a kick
For pot roast recipes from around the web, check out Kayln's Kitchen's crock pot version, Simply Recipe's several recipes and Pioneer Woman's pictorial tutorial and recipe.

Four New Latke Toppings! Make Your Potato Pancakes Zing with Apple Pear Sauce, Beet-Horseradish Topping, Apple-Red Onion Compote and Apple Cinnamon Sour Cream

Apple Pear Sauce and Apple and Red Onion Compote for topping latkes

For many, latkes need no more than a dripping of sauce from a pot roast or brisket, a spoonful of apple sauce or maybe a shmear of sour cream. Then there are folks who like their latkes sprinkled with a bit of sugar. But for those who want to try something new this Chanukah season (or really any time), below are some recipes to plop atop their potato pancakes.

The Apple and Red Onion Compote adds savory but still sweet flavor to complement the rich taste of the fried potatoes. The Apple, Beet and Horseradish Topping is reminiscent of borscht with all the trimmings. The flavor combination is based on a salad of fresh shredded beets and horseradish I once had in a Ukrainian restaurant on the Lower East Side in New York. Be sure to use the plain, white prepared bottled horseradish without cream or beets. I like the Apple Pear Sauce best with unpeeled fruit, but peeling is an option if you prefer. Finally, the Apple Cinnamon Sour Cream Topping was developed by Green Valley Organics of Sebastopol, CA, for use with its kosher, lactose-free sour cream, but I think it works well with regular sour cream, too.

Apple and Red Onion Compote
Makes about 2 cups

1 medium red onion
2 Tbs. vegetable oil
2 medium apples, peeled, cored and cut into ½” cubes
1 cup apple juice
1 Tbs. brown sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. ground cloves
1/8 tsp. ground coriander

Slice onions very thinly and then cut slice in half. Heat oil in large pan, Sauté onions over low heat until very soft, add apples and apple juice, raise heat to medium high. Bring to a simmer, stirring occasionally. Add sugar, salt, cloves and coriander. Cover and continue to simmer, stirring occasionally, until the apples are very soft but not mushy, about 30 minutes. Remove lid and raise heat to high and cook, stirring, until all the pan juices have thickened and the mixture is no longer liquid. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Apple, Beet and Horseradish Topping
Makes about 2 and 1/2 cups

1 medium apple, peeled and cored
2 Tbs. lemon juice
1-15 oz. can of sliced beets, drained
1-2 Tbs. or to taste plain, prepared bottled white horseradish
1/2 cup sour cream

Chop apple into 1/4” pieces, mix with lemon juice and drain. Chop beets into 1/4” pieces, mix with drained apples. Stir in horseradish to taste. Refrigerate. Just before serving, pour off any liquid and mix with sour cream. Serve immediately.

Apple Pear Sauce
Makes about 3 cups

3 medium apples, peeling optional
2 Bartlett pears, ripe but firm, peeling optional
2 Tbs. lemon juice
3/4 cup apple juice

Core and cut apples and pears into 1” cubes. Toss with lemon juice. Put in medium pot with juice over low heat. Cover and cook at a simmer. Using a heavy spoon, stir, mash and break up pieces of the fruit occasionally as the sauce cooks. Once the fruit is very tender, about 30 minutes, (peeled fruit may require less time). Remove lid, raise heat to high and simmer for 10 minutes to thicken juices. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Apple Cinnamon Sour Cream Topping
(From Green Valley Organics)
Makes about 3 cups

For a non-dairy option, try plain soy yogurt.

1-12 oz. container regular or lactose-free sour cream
2/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 Tbs. brown sugar OR 1 Tbs. agave nectar, to taste
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp. salt
1 unpeeled apple, cored and shredded

Mix sour cream, applesauce, brown sugar or agave, cinnamon and salt together. Roll shredded apple in a clean kitchen towel and squeeze out excess water. Stir drained apple shreds into the sour cream mixture. Adjust seasonings to taste and refrigerate until ready to serve.
---------------------------
The version of this post originally appeared in the j. weekly.
Need recipes, suggestions, background on Chanukah (Hanukkah) - check out my round up here.

Give the Gift of Peppermint Bark, Chocolate Truffles and Peanut Brittle for a Really Sweet Holiday Season



Rolling chocolate truffle in cocoa before serving or packaging

 When I’m looking for hostess gifts or teacher presents this time of year, I often think of home-made candies. A tin or box of these treats is always appreciated. The candies also are good make-ahead desserts.

Two of these recipes have appeared in the blog before.  My youngest son and I created the Peppermint Bark recipe after he developed a taste for an expensive store-bought version of the candy. Children can help bash the peppermint candies into bits (under supervision, of course). The Cinnamon Almond Truffles evolved from a chocolate frosting recipe when I was looking for a non-dairy dessert. The Microwave Peanut Brittle is new to Blog Appetit and is one of the easiest I’ve ever made (although always be careful when working with hot sugar). The recipe is adapted from the cookbook that came with my first microwave oven. 

(Note: All three recipes are vegan if you use vegan ingredients. Probably the toughest to find is vegan white chocolate, but it is out there. You may need to use chips instead of block chocolate.)

Dress up your candy by putting pieces into colorful candy cups or mini-muffin or cupcake liners. Look in dollar or other stores for inexpensive packaging to gussy up your sweet offerings.

Peppermint Bark
Makes about 1 3/4 lbs. of candy

4 oz. round, wrapped peppermint hard candies (such as Starlight)
1 lb. semisweet chocolate, chopped
12 oz. white chocolate, chopped

Line an approximately 10” by 15” rimmed baking tray with aluminum foil. Make sure the foil lining extends beyond the sides of the pan. Unwrap candies and put them inside doubled heavy-duty plastic zipper-lock bags. Seal the bags, taking care all the air is removed. Place on a cutting board on a steady, durable surface. Hit the candies with a rolling pin, meat tenderizer or hammer until the candies are broken into approximately 1/4-inch pieces.

Melt the semisweet chocolate. Spread the melted chocolate in an even layer across the bottom of the prepared baking tray. Place pan with chocolate in the refrigerator.

Melt the white chocolate. Take pan with semisweet layer out of refrigerator and spread melted white chocolate on top. Working quickly, evenly scatter peppermint candy pieces on top, pressing down slightly on larger chunks to make sure they adhere. Put back in the refrigerator until firm, about a half hour. Using the foil lining, lift the bark out of the pan. Peel off the foil and break into irregularly shaped pieces. Store in the refrigerator in a sealed storage bag or container. Take out about 20 minutes before serving.

Vegan Cinnamon-Almond Chocolate Truffles
Makes about 24 Truffles

If you want to make a more traditional truffle, check out this recipe from the now-defunct Charles Chocolates.  I've also made these with raspberry-almond flavoring by skipping the cinnamon and using half raspberry and half almond extracts.

3 oz. plain unsweetened soy milk
3 Tbs. parve margarine, cut into small chunks
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. almond extract
5 oz. semisweet chocolate chips
Cocoa powder, optional

Simmer soy milk over medium heat. Add margarine, stirring until dissolved. Stir in cinnamon and almond extract. Reduce heat to very low. Add chocolate, stirring constantly until thoroughly melted. Refrigerate covered for several hours until the mixture is solid but pliable (it may be a bit crumbly). Oil hands and measuring spoon if desired. Spoon out about 2 tsp. of the chocolate mixture and using hands and fingers roll, press or pinch into rough rounds. Store covered in refrigerator and take out about 20 minutes before serving and roll in cocoa powder if using.

Microwave Peanut Brittle
Makes about 1 1/2 lbs. of candy

1 tsp. butter or margarine plus extra for greasing baking tray
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup light corn syrup
1 cup salted peanuts (not dry roasted)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. baking soda

Note: Times are given for 800-1000 watt microwaves. For ovens with a higher wattage, try reducing cooking times by about 1 minute at each stage.

Grease baking tray and set aside. In a 2-quart heat-proof glass casserole dish (do not use plastic), combine sugar and corn syrup. Stir. Cook in microwave on high for 4 minutes Mixture should be beginning to bubble and starting to brown. Stir. Add peanuts. Mix well. Cook on high for 3 1/2 minutes. Stir in butter and vanilla. Cook on high for 1 1/2 minutes. Candy should be browned but not burnt, liquid and bubbly. Remove from microwave, immediately stir in baking soda until light and foamy. Pour onto buttered tray and spread until it is about 1/4” thick. (It spreads easier if the baking tray has been warmed slightly.) Cool, break into pieces. Store in airtight container.

--------------------------
A version of this post first appeared in the j. weekly.

Chanukah (or Hanukah or Hanukkah) Recipes and Background on Blog Appetit

Just one of the many good things to eat at Chanukah -- Jelly Doughnuts

Lots of good food and details about this festival of lights and fried foods here on Blog Appetit.

Here's a run down of offerings from Chanukahs past. Watch for another post with this year's offerings.

Food

Israeli Jelly Doughnuts -- Called sufganiyot, these delicious filled pastries are not that hard to make, but they are exacting.  I give you all the details on how to make them. 

Traditional Latkes -- Potato pancakes are the gold standard holiday food, at least for Jews from an Eastern European background.  This recipe is the one I've been using as long as I've been making latkes and it is tried and true.  Latkes is the Yiddish term. Levivot the Hebrew one.

Shortcut Latkes -- Hey sometimes you just need to not shred five pounds of potatoes, I get it. On those nights, try this recipe. 

While many Jews can live on latkes alone, others of us like to gild the lily by serving it with something more than sour cream and or apple sauce. (A sizable portion of Jews also grew up sprinkling sugar on their latke, but my people are not from that tribe.)

This post has a wonderful cranberry pot roast recipe and lots of suggestions on what to serve with latkes from spiced applesauce to some siracha sauce.  I also like to serve the latkes with my homemade gravlax (cured salmon). Or try my recipe for roasted applesauce with warm spices.

Eating dairy foods is another Chanukah tradition.  This California Kugel with lots of crunchy granola and dried fruits makes a nice light supper, brunch or dessert offering. Or try this cinnamon bun kugel recipe.

For something very different, I combine two cultural traditions into one very special Chanukah dish - spicy tzimmes (beef and dried fruit stew) tamales.

For information on Chanukah foods and traditions from around the world, click here.

History and Observance
Did you know there are 16 ways to spell Chanukah in English?  Check out the info near the end of this post from last year.

For some of the history and background about this holiday, click here.

For tips on how to play the spinning top game known as dreidel (including directions on how to make one of your own), this post is the tops.

Learn how to light the menorah (or more accurately the hanukkiah) here

Feel free to post links to other Chanukah offerings by you or other bloggers in the comments section.

UPDATE: 2011 Chanukah offerings from Blog Appetit
4 New Latke Toppings to Make Your Potato Pancakes Zing
Everything You Wanted to Know about Making a Pot Roast and a Pot Roast with Tamarind Recipe
Make Mine Vegan -- Vegan Latkes

Adding Meaning (and Jewish Flavors) to the Thanksgiving Table with Recipes for Pumpkin Hummus and More

Pumpkin Hummus with Za'atar Drizzle

I recently had the opportunity to speak about inviting Judaism to the Thanksgiving table.  Other folks were talking about prayers and traditions and I was to focus on the food, but it seemed to me to be a larger issue -- that what we really wanted to do was to add meaning.

My resulting presentation started off with a Thanksgiving trivia game and then I gave a number of resources to help add meaning, explanation and participation to the dinner to make it a more of a home ritual observance beyond friends, family and football without losing its all-inclusive, American nature. I've also ruminated on adding more meaning to the meal (including some suggestions) in this post.

I also developed some recipes to give the food a bit of a Jewish twist.
The Pumpkin Hummus with Za’atar Drizzle is a versatile appetizer with Middle Eastern and New World flavors. It is quick and easy to put together. Make the Challah “Stuffing” Kugel with Fresh Herbs in a shallow baking dish for lots of crusty bits or a deeper dish for lots of succulent ones. Either way, it’s a savory way to serve dressing this Thanksgiving. If the fresh herbs are not available, substitute about a third of the amount of dried, ground sage and thyme. Canned whole berry cranberry sauce is the basis of a Cranberry-Date “Charoset” with pecans and orange zest. It combines North American and Sephardic elements.

Pumpkin Hummus with Za’atar Drizzle
Makes 8 appetizer servings

7-8 oz. container of unflavored hummus
1 cup canned or fresh pumpkin puree (do not use canned pumpkin pie filling)
2 Tbs. za’atar seasoning mix (or use 5 tsp. ground oregano, 1⁄4 tsp. of cumin and 1 tsp. sesame seeds)
1/4 cup olive oil
6-8 flatbreads or pita breads

Mix hummus with pumpkin puree. In a separate bowl, combine za’atar with olive oil and stir well. Heat flatbreads or pitas in dry fry pan or griddle until warm and toasted. Either serve as a topped flatbread or dip. To serve as a flatbread, spread the pumpkin hummus on the bread, drizzle with za’atar mix and cut into triangles. To serve as a dip, stir half of the za’atar into the hummus until just combined and you can still see “streaks” of the herb oil mixture. Drizzle the remainder on top of the pumpkin hummus. Cut the warmed breads into triangles and serve with dip.

Challah “Stuffing” Kugel with Fresh Herbs
Serves 6-8

Tofurky makes an a good vegan Italian sausage. Use that and vegetable broth to make this dish vegetarian.

1 Tbs. plus 2 Tbs. oil
2 cups chopped onion
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 cup chopped carrots (cut into 1/4” chunks)
1/2 cup chopped celery (cut into 1/4" chunks)
2 cups chopped mushrooms (cut into 1/4" chunks)
1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
1 lb. turkey Italian sausage, removed from casings and crumbled
1 Tbs. minced fresh sage leaves
2 tsp. minced fresh thyme leaves
1 lb. challah, torn or cut into 1” pieces
4 cups chicken stock
4 eggs, beaten
½ tsp. paprika

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a large baking dish or casserole with 1 Tbs. oil. Put remaining oil in large pan, and when heated, add onions and garlic and sauté until softened. Add carrots, celery and mushrooms, sautéing until just softened. Add red pepper, salt and black pepper and stir well. Add crumbled sausage, stirring often to break up clumps until browned. Add minced sage and thyme. Sauté for a minute.
Remove for heat. Combine with challah in a large mixing bowl. Add chicken stock and eggs, mix well. Place in greased baking dish. Sprinkle top with paprika. Bake for 50-60 minutes until top is brown and crusty and kugel is set. (Timing will vary depending on dimensions of baking dish.)

Cranberry and Date “Charoset”
Makes about 2 cups

Besides serving this as a cranberry sauce with the turkey, it makes a great topping for goat cheese as an appetizer.  Serve it with toasted baguette slices.

14 oz. can of whole berry cranberry sauce
1 cup large Medjool dates (about 8 dates)
1 Tbs. sugar
2 Tbs. minced orange zest
2 Tbs. orange juice
3/4 cup pecan pieces (1/4” bits)
1/4 tsp. ground ginger, optional

Break down sauce using a fork, being careful not to mash berries. Pit dates, toss with sugar and chop into 1/4” pieces. Combine with cranberries. Add zest, juice, pecans and ginger (if using), stir well.

--------------------------
A slightly different version of this post originally appeared in j. weekly.

Adding Meaning to Thanksgiving -- A Resource List

An America's Table reader

Here's the list of websites I found to help create readers and other materials for creating Thanksgiving home rituals.  These resources are generally non-religious or ecumenical.

• Eight different “Seders” or readers are available at the American Jewish Committee’s website at

http://www.ajc.org/site/c.ijITI2PHKoG/b.2178745/

These are readers that highlight America’s diverse roots and shared values. The readers were created after 9/11 and are endorsed by a wide variety of organizations representing the full spectrum of Americans.

• Freedom’s Feast is another approach to the same concept. The founders looked to the Passover Seder model to help bring more understanding and meaning to the Thanksgiving celebration with a service/program suitable for all Americans. The site offers extensive background and other material, including songs and crafts. http://freedomsfeast.us/thanksgiving/index.html

• Fifty Thanksgiving story starters to get table conversations flowing: http://pubs.aarp.org/aarpbulletin/201111_DC?folio=46#pg50

• Background on the Pilgrims, Native Americans and Thanksgiving myths and facts, with discussion questions and a prayer of Thanksgiving from the Iroquois people: http://www.2020tech.com/thanks/temp.html

---------------
Photo credit: America's Table

Thanksgiving Trivia Game



Felix the Cat was no turkey


Do you know what character was the first Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon?  Who was the first woman who stepped off the Mayflower onto Plymouth Rock?

You would if you played my Thanksgiving trivia game.

I created this to use an icebreaker at a recent event by sticking labels on attendees' backs. They had to ask others questions about who they were.  When guests come, label their backs and pass out copies of the explanations to help with the questions and answers and add to the learning.  If you have guests who are strong on Thanksgiving facts, you could make it a trivia contest over dessert.

Thanksgiving Trivia and Name Game


Who or What/Description

Squanto/A Wampanoag Indian who traveled to England and was later kidnapped and held to be sold into slavery. He helped the Pilgrims and was a friend of the colony. He helped with food and agricultural practices as well as translation and guiding. He died in 1622. His loss was mourned by the Pilgrims.

John Weymouth/The English explorer who traveled with Squanto and later paid Squanto’s way back to the New World after Squanto was rescued from slavery

Samoset/A member of the Wabanake tribe who Squanto met in England and who traveled back to New England coast with Squanto. He made the actual first contact with the settlers by saying “Welcome.”

Massasiot Ousamequin/ Leader of the Wampanoags. He sent his tribe members back for more food during the celebration when it appeared that the Pilgrims had not realized how many Native Americans would be attending.

Myles Standish/ Military leader of the Plymouth Colony and Mayflower expedition. Supposedly asked John Alden to woo Pricilla Mullens for him. Never a Piligrim, he helped found the town of Duxbury, Mass. The Pilgrims met him in Holland.

John Alden /Said to be the first person to set foot on Plymouth Rock. A ship’s cooper. In Longfellow’s 1858 poem is said to have courted Priscilla on behalf of the widowed Standish, but there is no evidence to that. He had Priscilla have the most descendents of any Mayflower arrival – including John Adams, Jodie Foster, and Longfellow himself

Priscilla Mullens /See above. Only 17 when the Mayflower set sail, her parents and brother died during the first winter. Her marriage to Alden was the third the Pilgrims celebrated in the New World.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow/ American poet and descendent of Alden and Mullens. He based his famous 1858 poem “The Courtship of Miles Standish” on family tradition, although there is no historical evidence. A great-great-grandson of the Aldens did publish the story in 1814

Mary Chilton Winslow /First woman to step upon Plymouth Rock. She later married the brother of a Mayflower passenger, moved to Boston and had 10 children.

William Bradford/ Governor of the colony for more than 30 years. Took major responsibility for arranging Mayflower exodus. One of the founders of the religion the Pilgrims practiced.

William Brewster/ Only one of original Pilgrims to have any university training. Helped organize the separatist religion and helped win approval from the Virginia Company to settle in the New World

George Washington /Created the first “national” Thanksgiving Day in 1789

Abraham Lincoln/ Created the recurring national Thanksgiving Day in 1863 with annual observances after campaign by Hale

Sarah Josepha Hale/ Wrote “Mary Had a Little Lamb” – Writer, editor - She campaigned for national day of Thanksgiving

A Carrot Cake for Mark -- A Remembrance and A Recipe

Today would be my good friend Mark Rutta’s 59th birthday. Mark passed away from a massive heart attack on April 16th so we won’t get to celebrate this birthday with him or anything else. That’s not the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to grow old with Mark, cherishing his friendship, support and loyalty, chuckling at his foibles and occasional misadventures, appreciating his help with everything from choosing electronics and troubleshooting sound systems to dropping you off at the airport at 5 a.m. in the morning.

Instead of sharing his favorite carrot cake with him today, we – his sister, partner, family and friends – are still processing his death. This is not how it was supposed to be.

I wanted to write this post after his death and found I couldn’t. I wanted to write it after his memorial service and found I couldn’t and even now this post isn’t going how I planned. That was kind of the way it was with Mark, being with him was a journey that you’d never quite knew where you’d end up, but you knew he’d be there alongside you.

Mostly I am still angry that he is gone. I think many of us are. Mark met my husband, Gary, in college, and later they were roommates. He was one of the best men at our wedding. We’d call him to join us for dinner when I made too much or something special we wanted to share. He loved to hold our babies, never minding if they cried. He wouldn’t pass the screaming infant back to us; he just figured the child needed to cry and that was part of the experience of holding him. He babysat for my toddler son so we could go to Lamaze classes before the birth of my younger one. He was a beaming uncle as they grew up, taking time to really get to know each one. He was there for us during the good times and the bad no matter what else was happening in his life.

I like to think we were there for him, giving him support, guidance, love and friendship, but I don’t think we could ever accept him as unconditionally as he accepted us. That was really a gift. He was never critical, never impatient, never judgmental. How we are and how we wanted to be were one in the same to him. Knowing Mark made me a better person because, well, because that’s how he saw me.

I – we – feel so cheated that he left us just when he had found in Karen a life partner and when we felt we had years to have Mark’s companionship and love to savor. Mark died during a bike ride, a sport he dearly loved. Some sought to ease our souls by remarking that at least he died doing something that he loved, but, too me, that was scant comfort. Art, another ex-roommate, close friend and the other best man at our wedding, put it best at the memorial service.

“I rather Mark lived a long live and died doing something he hated,” Art said. “That way we’d still have him in our lives.”

Part of me still can’t believe I can’t invite Mark to dinner or see if he wants to go to a movie or concert or just call him up to talk. Every time I walk on the street where he used to work, see his photo or have a random memory of him, my eyes still tear up, my throat begins to ache and I feel the loss all over again. I guess I’m still sad. But I’m also so angry. Maybe in time I won’t be sad, won’t be angry, won’t feel cheated, but certain things will always be true. I’ll always love him, value the time we had and miss him.

Happy Birthday Mark. I love you.

About the carrot cake:

Mark didn’t cook many things, but the recipes he made he made well and often. He was famous for his carrot cake and justifiably proud of it. The recipe originated with his sister, Elaine. Mark would make it for his birthday, other’s birthdays, potlucks, office parties, pretty much whenever he felt it was appropriate or requested. It has become the standard all other carrot cakes must meet for quite a number of people. The recipe was even included on his memorial program.

After he passed, his sister, partner and the friends all agreed we need to make the cake for the reception after the memorial service. I not just volunteered, but pretty much demanded that I be the one to make that cake, but everyone asked me to please lighten it up and make it less sweet. I don’t know if we couldn’t bear to have Mark’s exact carrot cake without Mark or if we had all grown older and our taste buds, waistlines and cholesterol levels had changed and we needed the cake to change with them. Below is my adaptation of Mark’s carrot cake. If you make it, please don’t forget to season it with love, kindness, friendship, loyalty and a smidgen of amused exasperation. And share it with someone special.

A Carrot Cake for Mark
Serves a Lifetime of Friends

To know Mark was to eat his carrot cake. Here is a version of it. The original in his sister Elaine’s handwriting is in the photo below.

2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ground cloves, optional
1 cup sugar (use 1 1/2 cups for sweeter cake)
1/2 cup oil
1 cup apple sauce
4 eggs, beaten
2 cups grated carrots
8 oz. can crushed pineapple
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 9x12 inch baking pan. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt. Mix well. Add sugar, oil, apple sauce and eggs. Mix well.

Add carrots, drained crushed pineapple and nuts. Mix well. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 50-60 minutes or until cake is firm to the touch and a toothpick comes out clean. Cool and serve from the pan if desired.

Cream Cheese Frosting

The cake is delicious without this frosting, but Mark traditionally served the cake with it. Be sure the cake is completely cool before frosting. Mark's recipe calls for the full pound of sugar.  I've found the recipe works fine with half that amount.

½ cup (1 stick) butter or margarine
8 oz. cream cheese
1 tsp. vanilla
8 oz. confectioner’s sugar

Have butter and cream cheese at room temperature. Cream together, gradually adding vanilla and sugar until smooth.

--------------
Photo by Mark's friend from the Oakland Yellow Jacket's Club Steve Wedgwood

Inviting Judaism to the Thanksgiving Table -- A Talk on November 13 in Oakland

If you are in the Bay area, I hope you will come hear me (as well as a panel of other speakers) talk about how to add layers of understanding to your Thanksgiving meal.  I'll be exploring some of the roots of this very American tradition and explore how we can bring use some of our experiences with Passover, Sukkot and other holidays to add ritual and meaning without necessarily remaking the holiday as "Jewish" since many of us share the holiday table with friends and relatives of different backgrounds.

We'll also discuss (and sample) some Thanksgiving foods with a Jewish twist.

The event is from 3 to 5 p.m. at Temple Beth Abraham, 327 Euclid Avenue, Oakland, CA.  The event is free to members of Women of Temple Beth Abraham, $18 for others.

Please email me at clickblogappetitATgmailDOTcom if you would like more information or to RVSP. 

Update:  See my post here for the recipes and links to the trivia contest and resource guide I created.
-------------------
Photo credit: MS Clip Art

Tomatoes, Basil, Olive Oil and Silken Tofu

The above is not ricotta or mozzarella, it's Hodo Soy brand silken "soy custard" tofu with sliced heirloom tomatoes, basil, sea salt, fresh ground pepper and a drizzle of olive oil. I made it my whole dinner one recent hot night, but it would make a lovely appetizer.  The Hodo tofu comes in a tub and is not "pressed" into a cake.  You can also find tofu like this in some Asian markets. (Hodo's tofu is handmade and is really only available now in northern California and is worth seeking out.)

Delicious, simple, healthy and good.